PAYING THE PRICE 1

Many people do not believe the above verse. Before becoming a Christian one would not know this verse is in the Bible....as usual, a sinner will not pick up the Word of God and read it on their own unless compelled to do so under dire circumstances.

I grew up living in one of the largest cities of the United States - my father and grandfather worked in a factory starting out as blue collar workers ending up white collar workers by retirement. We lived comfortably although by no means, extravagant. I lived in the same house on the same street, went to the same school until I reached 10th grade then dropped out. Shortly thereafter I met my teenage husband and he started to work in the factory.....we bought a new car, a house, and started a family. My life was going to follow the same pattern as my mother's and grandmother, so I thought.

I had been married almost four years when my husband and I were in an accident while coming home from his best friends wedding, which by the way - my husband had been best man. I fell asleep on the way home, as did my husband, he had been driving. The next thing I knew I was under the dashboard and a man was at the window on the passengers side of the car...telling me help was on the way. The car had bucket seats and my seat was keeping me under the dash, the only thing I saw was my husbands hand on his knee. I do not remember anything except asking the policemen that were there taking me to the hospital, if they knew the 'Lord's Prayer", their answer was, "No".

I hadn't been badly hurt in the accident - a small piece of glass inbedded in my head...bruised knees...but I really didn't feel anything. A week later I had to sign papers for the car to be released - as I viewed it I could see the only place the car had not been damaged was where I had been.....under the dash. From that point on.....I knew I had been spared for a reason, but until I became a Christian, I never realized the far reaching 'reasons' - we, are bought with a price, we are not our own....

I was taken to my mother's house....and saw my two son's being led out the side door to a friends house.. I could not deal with the boys yet in my condition. I told my mother I wanted to be the one to tell them about their father...my sons were 15 months and three years old.

I had to make decisions which I do not remember to this day making...as a matter of fact the whole year before the accident has basically been lost to me...even to this date....which is many years later.

I was Catholic at this time of my life; grew up in the Catholic faith although my family really were not 'practicing Catholics'. It's funny how 'religion' has a hold on someone although the truth alludes them....even the 'truth' about the 'religion'. Somehow we just 'ambiguously' live a religious life as we can understand it or make sense of it.

Regardless, at this time of my life being Catholic wasn't helping me any....the only thing that made sense to me was the priest telling me the body of my husband was a shell in which he lived his life here on earth and now he wasn't there any longer. I guess to me that meant he was somewhere else still alive, just not on earth. I guess that was a comfort to my mind, not knowing 'truth' that the Bible teaches us....that we must be born again to enter the Kingdom.

After the funeral....I was just numb...I remember feeling as if I had been standing on a rug and it was pulled from under me. I now had no husband, the boys had no father, there was no job....no sharing a life.

I would sit some evenings take out a Bible and read when the boys were tucked away in bed. The loneliness was great...indescribable. I read in the Bible during one of my sessions that, "Not a sparrow falls to the ground that the Father doesn't take notice." also, "The hairs of your head are all numbered by the Father." God started to show me that He wasn't a God 'way off somewhere' - He was a God that cared about individuals, but it still made no sense to me why if He loved me.....bad things like early death happened.

I was always one that 'reached out to God' - as a little girl and I can remember talking to Him as if He were in the clouds or in heaven 'somewhere'. I never felt He was close. Even when I would attend the Catholic church with my older sister...I would feel a reverence and cry...as I heard about God or they would read scripture. I always felt I was unusual as no one else seemed to be affected like this as I would look around and observe the older folk or other young people.

Soon after another man came into my life..,...I wanted things to 'get back to normal' for myself and the boys and 'just live.'That we did.....we even moved to a southern state and owned our own business.

Of course we would drink occasionally and have swimming parties, play cards and go out to eat with new found friends. We had bought a big four bedroom, three bath, pool home...in a quiet neighborhood and life was as normal as possible. We sponsored Little League Baseball teams...and got quite involved with life.

One evening a teenage girl of one of our friends came over to babysit while my husband and I went out to eat. I remember her telling me about praying to Jesus and how He answered her and talked to her. I asked her how she knew what He said and she just answered and acted as if it were such a 'normal' thing...

I didn't doubt her, but I wondered how she 'knew' God heard her and how she 'heard' a reply.

She proceeded to ask me to her church as they were in the midst of a revival and it was the teens turn to ask people to church. I went...her mother went too. I do not even remember what the evangelist said..not one word. I remember thinking how there was a picture of Jesus .....walking down a road, with His hands out so that the nail scars could be seen....and I thought to myself, "He's not on the Cross anymore like the Catholic church has Him." To me this said, "He is alive."

I thought to myself I would like to come to this church instead of the Catholic church I had started attending on Saturday evenings. As a result, as the evangelist made an altar call....I went forward with the thought, "I wonder if I would be doing the right thing in God's eyes by coming to this church instead of the Catholic church?" As I knelt down.....I felt a warm liquid going over my heart, taking a soreness out that I had not been aware was there....at the same time I felt what I know now was the Holy  Spirit coming into my heart and the words came to my mind..."Blessed are those that do not see, yet believe." I had no idea what happened that night. I had to learn in the subsequent visits to this particular church that I had been, 'born again'.

I had such a lightness in my heart....and it seemed for the first time in my life I knew everything would be alright...and that God was real.

I could not explain even to my husband what happened as I didn't know.

It was only a week later that the pastor that had been at this particular church for eleven years was 'leaving' and a new pastor was taking over. As time went on...I learned this new pastor was Spirit filled the other was just 'religious.'

During the next two years....I learned a lot about what is God and what is not of God.

There were women that had gone to this church for years - they were hungry for God....we had a woman's Bible study at one of our homes every week allowing God to show us where to turn in the Bible and learn of Him and learn we did. When we were ready two women showed up in the congregation, God had sent them there....they spoke to the pastor after God revealed to them the pastor was Spirit filled. The women started coming to our woman's Bible study with counsel from the pastor to let us ask questions, not push anything on us until we were ready. God knew we were ready...most of us anyway. It came to pass that a certain faction in the church wanted the pastor out as his wife got sick and could not 'make visits' or do whatever they felt pastor's wives should do... This pastor's last sermon was to the tune, that if God opened it up in any denomination, he would preach there....and not be hindered by denominational ties or people expectations, but led by the Spirit of God.

This pastor was a very loving and concerned pastor...for everyone, plus taking care of his wife and family. I would see him shopping for groceries...visiting the sick...never .....slacking in his care as a shepherd.

Soon after during one of the baseball games at the local Little League fields....I met a woman and she and I started talking about God....she told me a new church that was starting up and they were meeting in a hotel until their building was finished. Needless to say this was God leading me out of the church that ousted a man of God...to further my learning in the things of God.

I did not know spiritual warfare until I attended this next Spirit filled church. If one thinks we have no evil enemy - think again. When we start to learn and realize there are evil spirits in the world as active as they were in Biblical times...and one starts to learn number one there IS an enemy and number two we have authority as a born again believer through the blood and resurrection of Jesus...we become targets head-on.

God called me to Bible college and to missions from this church.. ....yes, to leave - a business, big fancy car, house, furniture, and lots of friends. A comfortable, normal life I thought was mine .....but this time I left it on my own, it wasn't taken from me. I was given a choice and I said, "Yes Lord, I will follow you, no matter the cost."

To be continued......

MKL